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前阵子读到YC老师的‘玩得就是心跳’系列,我莫名地伤感了好几把,其实也不是莫名,还是名可名的,只是自己要刻意去莫名而已。
广州近40度高温的夏日一大早,冲了个凉,清醒清醒,打了足够的鸡血给我那撂了几个月的论文码了两段字,然而gmail一个好友的来信让我无比伤感,就把往日未名的情愫码下来好了。因为我不知道再过一天,一个星期,一个月或者一年,我是否还有同样的想法。
好友说‘ I just realised that I don't want to do full time research academia any more... I want to do some of my own research - I never got a chance to do my own research over the years...'
好友是个对这个世界很好奇,对研究很有热情的researcher,爱好相当广泛,阅读量很大,知识面很广,人生阅历也相当丰富,各种profession体验之后再回到academic的圈子。每每跟他聊一阵子或者一两封邮件来回,言语中的智慧总让我有种茅塞顿开的感觉,同时也自愧不如。或许归功于于他的阅历和阅读,他是一个非常observant的人,也总能用严密的逻辑将或许是out of serendipity的研究问题论证得滴水不漏。他的写作能力很强,对语言的把握度很好,语言总是那么到位,没有一个多余的词,而每个词又是那么恰到好处,一刻度也不过。Publication也是拿得出手的一个list。每每读他写的东西或他帮我改的一小段话,the words flow supernaturally, 非常享受。他也很善于read into others' minds from their writings。当然,如同其他academicians,他也有自己特有的执着,或者是OCD (obessive compulsory disorder)。比如他对reviewer意见不赞同,几轮argue之后撤稿,士可杀不可辱。再比如在会议上被其他流派的人攻击之后会誓死defend the territory。
然而就是这样一个好苗子(或许不是苗子了,一把年纪了,要在中国早就被看成老人了),今天告诉我,他彻底退出academia了。个中原因我太感同身受了,特别是他的一句话:I still haven't published a paper out of my PhD research.
有人说,毕业这么多年了还没出来,他是太懒了,这种人活该。Well, we could always blame one for being lazy. But if you try to find out why one is lazy, you could get a long list of reasons, speakable and unspeakable, appreciated and unappreciated. There is a complicated one that is speakable but unappreciated: professionalism + prefectionism.
Be one in or out of academia, time flies and life moves on.
Am I upset about him or myself? Both, I guess.
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