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科技写作漫谈(100):主语与谓语要紧密相连

已有 5341 次阅读 2012-11-22 20:33 |个人分类:科技写作|系统分类:论文交流| background, exactly, Yellow

 

    如果信息流顺畅,则容易被接收。但是经常会出现句子阻塞的情况,这是因为动词没有紧跟在主语之后。出现在主语与动词间的内容,无论其长度如何,都仿佛是一种干扰,所以要尽量避免。

1Dengue virus, a Flavivirus belonging to the family Flaviviridae, which includes over 60 known human pathogens such those causing yellow fever, Japanese encephalitis, tick-borne encephalitis, Saint Louis encephalitis, and West Nile encephalitis, is classified into four different serotypes: Types1, 2, 3, and 4.

    这句话给读者的理解设置了很大障碍,因为主语(“Dengue virus”)与其动词(“is classified”)间相隔了31个词。看不到动词,读者就不知道主语在做什么,也不知道这句话要表达什么。结果,读者的注意力都集中在寻找动词,而顾不上接收这些插入的信息,尽管它们是最重要的。插入的内容越长,可能表明其携带的信息越重要;但是鉴于其在句子结构上所处的位置,只能被视为插入。

通常,根据其与旧信息或新信息的关系,可以将插入的内容移至句首或句尾。有时,也可以考虑将这部分内容独立成句,甚至全部省略。在例1中,插入部分的重要性很难予以评估。如果它是重要的,就应将其安排在能够显示其重要性的位置上。

修改后的例1Dengue virus is a Flavivirus belonging to the family Flaviviridae, which includes over 60 known human pathogens such as those causing yellow fever, Japanese encephalitis, tick-borne encephalitis, Saint Louis encephalitis, and West Nile encephalitis. It is classified into four different serotypes: Types 1, 2, 3, and 4.

另一方面,也许这些插入的内容无关紧要,只会分散读者的注意力。那么就该删除,让读者一目了然地看到重要信息。

修改后的例1Dengue virus is classified into for different serotypes: Types 1, 2, 3, and 4.

    修改后的这两句话哪句更能准确表达作者意图,答案只有作者本人知道。

看到了动词,读者还希望尽快看到句子的宾语。因此,作者应该避免在动词和宾语间插入内容,以免动词与宾语间出现阻断。

2We quantitatively compared, using a model-based approximate Bayesian computation (ABC) method relying on computer simulations, the different introduction scenarios for the Western European WCR populations.

修改后的例2Using a model-based approximate Bayesian computation (ABC) method relying on computer simulations, we quantitatively compared the different introduction scenarios for the Western European WCR populations.

3We conclude, based on very simplified models of solar variability, that solar variability is insignificant.

修改后的例3We conclude that solar variability is insignificant based on very simplified models of solar variability.

或:Based on very simplified models of solar variability, we conclude that solar variability is insignificant .

 

练习:改写下列句子,使动词紧随主语之后,避免两者间出现阻断。

1. Onchocerciasis, with approximately 18 million infected cases worldwide and 80 million more people at risk of infection, is now recognized as one of the major public health and socioeconomic Problems in many tropical countries (Murdoch et al., 1996; OEPA, 1998).

2. Early experiments revealed, as demonstrated by a strong suppression of the transition temperature with impurities (4), the extreme fragility of the superconductivity in the ruthenate superconductor Sr2RuO4 (SRO).

3. Aside from these RNA structures found in bacteria, plants, and fungi, a viral RNA, with a sequence very similar to an ATP binding RNA aptamer, has been found to be able to bind ATP.

4. We recorded, for each detected atom released from the trap, the inplane coordinates x and y and the time of detection t.

5. After a warm spring, female passerines, as a result of phenotypic plasticity, an individual-level response to temperature, often breed earlier than they do after a cold spring.

6. Allosteric ribozymes, which take small molecules as input and whose output makes cascading difficult, as it is a different form than the input, have been shown to perform logical functions (3).

7. The first two members, COF-1 [(C3H2BO)6·(C9H12)1] and COF-5(C9H4BO2), which have rigid structures, exceptional thermal stabilities (to temperatures up to 600), low densities, and exhibit permanent porosity with specific surface areas surpassing those of well-known zeolites and porous silicates, can be synthesized using a simple “one-pot” procedure under mild reaction conditions that are efficient and high-yielding.

8. A superconducting quantum interference device (SQUID) is used to measure, hence mapping the phase anisotropy of the superconducting order parameter, the phase difference between different real-space tunneling directions.

9. We modified, to investigate asymmetric thermal propagation in a suitable 1D inhomogeneous medium, carbon nanotubes and boron nitride nanotubes so that they assumed a non-uniform axial mass distribution (Fig.1.).

10. We reported previously that, in addition to ploy (A) binding protein, a 50 kDa protein, also strongly associated with polysomal mRNA from Saccharomyces cerevisiae, is involved in the mechanism [23] .

 

参考答案

1. Onchocerciasis is now recognized as one of the major public health and socioeconomic problems in many tropical countries (Murdoch et al., 1996; OEPA, 1998). There are approximately 18 million cases of onchocerciasis worldwide, and 80 million more people are at risk of infection.

2. Early experiments revealed the extreme fragility of the superconductivity in the ruthenate superconductor Sr2RuO4 (SRO) as demonstrated by a strong suppression of the transition temperature with impurities (4).

3. Aside from these RNA structures found in bacteria, plants, and fungi, a viral RNA has been found to be able to bind ATP. This viral RNA has a sequence very similar to an ATP binding RNA aptamer.

4. We recorded the in-plane coordinates x and y and the time-of detection t for each detected atom released from the trap.

5. After a warm spring, female passerines often breed earlier than they do after a cold spring (13, 14). This behavior is a result of phenotypic plasticity (14, 15), an individual-level response to temperature.

6. Allosteric ribozymes have been shown to perform logical functions (3). These ribozymes take small molecules as input; their output makes cascading difficult, as it is a different form than the input.

7. COF-1 [(C3H2BO)6×(C9H12)l] and COF-5 (CgH4BO2) have rigid structures, exceptional thermal stabilities (to temperatures up to 600 °C), and low densities. They also exhibit permanent porosity with specific surface areas surpassing those of well-known zeolites and porous silicates. COF-1 and COF-5 can be synthesized using a simple “one-pot” procedure under mild reaction conditions that are efficient and high-yielding.

8. A superconducting quantum interference device (SQUID) is used to measure the phase difference between different real-space tunneling directions. This device allows us to map the phase anisotropy of the superconducting order parameter.

9. To investigate asymmetric thermal propagation in a suitable 1D inhomogeneous medium, we modified carbon nanotubes and boron nitride nanotubes so that they assumed a non-uniform axial mass distribution (Fig. 1).

10. We reported previously that a 50 kDa protein is involved in the mechanism in addition to poly(A) binding protein [23]. This 50 kDa protein is also strongly associated with polysomal mRNA from Saccharomyces cerevisiae.

摘编自《科技写作与交流》(任胜利 . 科学出版社, 2012年出版)



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