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科技写作漫谈 (65):论述的逻辑与演进

已有 5081 次阅读 2010-4-5 11:34 |个人分类:科技写作|系统分类:论文交流

忠告:不要试图固定一个段落的行进模式而不考虑下一段落的主题。段与段之间行进的运用和段中句与句之间行进的运用是一样多的。行进的问题有时需要较大修改来解决。在很多情况下,一段含糊不清的文字需要在运用行进模式之前进行重新组构。要进行重新组构,明确写作意图并找到争论的关键点是不可或缺的。
 原文:Transmission
The transmission of the dengue virus to a human occurs through the bite of an infected female Aedes mosquito. In addition, the disease spreads rapidly in densely populated areas because of the lack of effective mosquito control methods, the increase in air travel, and poor sanitation in areas with a shortage of water. The mosquito becomes infected when it feeds on a blood meal from a human carrier of the virus. The virus multiplies inside the infected mosquito over 3 to 5 days, and resides within its salivary gland.
1. 写作意图 显而易见:题目“Transmission”即说明了作者的写作意图。作者首先介绍了病毒传播和繁殖的方式,因为这与如何防止和控制疾病的传播密切相关。关键是要保持正确的顺序:先传播,然后繁殖。
`2. 关键点这里的关键点是指人蚊子人的传播链以及疾病传播的原因。
修改(版本1):Transmission
The dengue virus from a human carrier is transmitted to the female Aedes mosquito that feeds on an infected blood meal. The virus multiplies inside the mosquito over 3 to 5 days. It is transmitted back into a human through the saliva injected by the mosquito when it bites. The virus spreads rapidly in areas where large numbers of humans and mosquitoes cohabitate. This spreadis aggravated by human travel (particularly air travel), ineffective mosquito control methods, and poor sanitation in areas with water shortages.
在这个版本中,每句话的主题都相同:即病毒或者由病毒引发的疾病。因此行进的建立是围绕一个固定的主题。这个进展同时也是时间顺序的进展(传播链)和逻辑顺序的进展(扩增:从有限到无限,从具体到一般)。
修改(版本2):Transmission
The female Aedes mosquito feeds on the infected blood of a human carrier of the dengue virus. Inside the mosquito, the virus multiplies over a period of 3 to 5 days. When the mosquito bites, its saliva carries the virus back into another human. In communities where large numbers of humans and mosquitoes cohabitate, the dengue virus spreads rapidly. This spread is aggravated by human travel (particularly air travel), ineffective mosquito control methods, and poor sanitation in areas with water shortages.
在版本2中,蚊子是前三句话的固定主题。运用已知信息(蚊子,人,病毒),第四句话轻轻过渡到一个新的主题:传播。最后一句与前一句构成了链式进展。
摘编自《科技英语写作进阶》(任胜利, 莫京, 安瑞. 科学出版社, 2009年出版)


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