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科技写作漫谈 (64):信息表述要“先旧后新”

已有 5320 次阅读 2010-4-2 07:17 |个人分类:科技写作|系统分类:论文交流

       先旧后新式的表达:将(前文提到过的)“旧信息放在句子的开始位置, 将新信息置于句子的末尾。这种表述不仅可以逐步深入地表达作者的观点, 并且也符合读者的阅读预期(思路不至于中断)

    例如:(1) The use of land, water and minerals has increased more than tenfold during the past two centuries. (2) Future increases in population and economic development will intensify this pressure. (3) Major environmental changes varying from disruption of local ecosystems to disturbance of the biosphere are the likely cumulative impacts of human activities.

      ¾ (3)句应更改为: The cumulative impacts of human activities are likely to lead to major environmental changes, varying from disruption of local ecosystems to disturbance of the biosphere.

 

       又如:The nucleosome, a structural unit within the chromatin, has a length of DNA coiled around eight histones. The chromatin structure is remodeled by the nucleosome. But, if any of its histones are missing, the nucleosome may malfunction.

修改后的句子:

(A) The nucleosome, a structural unit within the chromatin, is composed of a length of DNA coiled around eight histones. The nucleosome complex is important in remodelling the chromatin structure. The function of this complex may be disrupted when any of its histones are absent.

(B) The nucleosome is a structural unit within the chromatin, which it helps remodel. It is composed of a length of DNA coiled around eight histones. If any histone is missing, the nucleosome’s function may be disrupted.

(C) The nucleosome, a structural unit within the chromatin, has a length of DNA coiled around eight histones. It may malfunction if any of its histones are missing. The nucleosome remodels the chromatin structure.

原文中有新信息出现在已知信息之前”(new-before-old)行进问题。在三种修改句中,(A)通过在第2句中运用主动语态,在第3句中倒置主从句,一个围绕“The nucleosome”的固定主题模式被重新建立。在(B), 1 被重新组织以加强“chromatin”在句子中的信息,以此来围绕“histones”建立一种链式进展。(A) (B)都创建了相同的预期:一个丢失的histones如何影响了nucleosome的功能,为之又发生了什么变化呢?(C)句同(A)一样,是一个固定主题的行进,然而它设定了一个不同的预期:现在读者期待揭示“nucleosome”的其他功能或者它是如何改变染色质的。

摘编自《科技英语写作进阶》(任胜利, 莫京, 安瑞 . 科学出版社, 2009年出版)



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