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科技写作漫谈 (63):写作中错误的“行进”和“行进”的停顿 精选

已有 5807 次阅读 2010-3-13 17:03 |个人分类:科技写作|系统分类:论文交流

有时,作者通过使用总结、陈述、评论或举例的方式暂停一下行进的速度以加深读者的理解,让读者赶上作者的思路。表明停顿的单词包括summarise, briefly put, for example等。

有时,行进不是暂停,而是停顿下来,这样就使其变得不平稳。比如因为一两个句子的生涩难懂而停下来,然后恢复行进。在这种情况下,读者会很快失去方向感。请看下文,不知何故某个地方的一个或两个环节的行进链被打破或损坏了,到底是哪里呢?其实确定损坏的链接是很容易的。在每段的每句话的主题下划线。把那些不属于主题行进的主题圈起来(即与主题或是上一句话的重点无关)。辨别一下下文的主题是否为非主题行进(解释说明,时间或者逻辑顺序)。

(1) After conducting microbiological studies on the cockroaches collected in our university dormitories, we found that their guts carried staphylococcus, members of the coliform bacilli, and other dangerous microorganisms when outside of the intestinal tract. (2) Since they regurgitate food, their vomitus contaminates their body. (3) Therefore, the same microbes, plus moulds and yeasts, are found on the surface of their hairy legs, antennae, and wings. (4) To find such microorganisms in their guts is not surprising, as they are also present in the human and animal faeces on which cockroaches feed.

{主题 | 重点}对应情况如下: (1) {cockroaches | microorganisms in guts}, (2) {cockroaches | regurgitation and vomitus contamination of body}, (3) {microorganisms | parts of body}, and (4) {microorganisms in guts | faeces}

 句(2)和(3)是不能分开的,因为它们被一个以从原因到结果的解释说明为基础的行进连接。句(1)和(4)应该在链式进展中进行对比,用基于逻辑顺序的行进(从结果到原因)强化语气。下面是修改后的段落。

  After conducting microbiological studies on the cockroaches collected in our university dormitories, we found that their guts carried staphylococcus, members of the coliform bacilli, and other dangerous microorganisms. To find such microorganisms in their guts is not surprising, because they are also present in the human and animal faeces on which cockroaches feed. Since cockroaches regurgitate food, their microorganism-laden vomitus contaminates their body. Therefore, the same microbes, plus moulds and yeasts, are found on the surface of their hairy legs, antennae, and wings.

    加上“microorganism laden”后,句(3)就可以更好地与句(2)进行逻辑关联了。

 

 一个损坏的链接通常是在主题和重点之间倒装的结果。为什么倒装反倒成为了一个问题呢?请阅读下面的段落。

 The cropping process should preserve all critical points. Images of the same size should also be produced by the cropping.

 看起来这一段似乎没有很好的平衡,你是否同意这样的说法呢?这是因为在第二句中,已知信息(“the cropping”)出现在句尾,而句尾恰恰通常是属于新信息的位置。下面有三个途径来纠正这个问题:

       1.  改变句子的语态:把主动语态变为被动语态或者把被动语态变为主动语态,从而通过在句首引入新信息而理顺倒置的主题和重点。

       The cropping process should preserve all critical points. It should also produce images of the same size.

       2. 倒装句子从而重新建立行进

       Images of the same size should be produced by the cropping. The cropping should also preserve all critical points.

       3. 把两个句子合并为一个。

       The cropping process should preserve all critical points and produce images of the same size.

摘编自《科技英语写作进阶》(任胜利, 莫京, 安瑞 . 科学出版社, 2009年出版)



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