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已有 3037 次阅读 2016-6-14 23:49 |系统分类:生活其它

Facebook Page: Help Our Sister Li Ouyang to Fight for Justice

Website: https://www.facebook.com/help.li.fight.for.justice/





One 's experience tells what kind of person she is. The emails of mine that I will publish can reveal my seriousness and sincerity towards life. The first email I am posting on the page of Help Our Sister Li Ouyang to Fight for Justice, as followed, is the translation of the email I sent to my ex-fiance in July 2013, the abuser, who is an OU professor and physician. In this email, I described my life experience to him before I moved to Ohio.


Date: Sat, 6 Jul 2013 16:30:42 -0500

Subject: Please take care during weekend work and talk to you at night

From: xxxxxxxxxxx@gmail.com

To: xxxxxx@hotmail.com


Sweetheart, it’s now 1:07 pm. I have just been back from the Bookstore to the library. Honey, it is sunny today in Columbia. When I walked on the campus path, the scorching sunlight overhead and the burning air made me think of the sight of green mountain, quiet river water, foggy village in the rain in Athens…Honey, the thought of our holding hands in the torrential rain at the lakeside and roaming in the drizzling rain around the forest, for no reason, gives my nose a twitch…I could not help thinking of you although it is just yesterday that I left Athens…I am so sorry, honey, that I could not keep you company with those love words repeated between us every day in phone talk. I apologize, for I understand that this feeling is tinged with sadness and pain. Although physical distance prohibits me from being with you every day, please keep in mind that my heart is with you, ok?


Honey, thank you for everything you have done for me. For fear of easy come easy go, you have a misconception that I have not yet loved you in a wholehearted way. Time is the best touchstone, right? I can feel your dissatisfaction with your former marriage and also your concern with your present job…Honey, no matter what, as long as in need, I am willing to stand behind you and support you in a silent way. Darling, whether at work or in family, the key to any thorny problem is to face it in a positive way and resolve it. As a matter of fact, in many cases we’d better look at things dialectically: As the old Chinese proverb goes that “When the old man from the frontier lost his horse, how could one have known that it would not be fortunate” (A setback may turn out to be a blessing in disguise), do you think it makes any sense? A person can never get mature without any experience of failure or setback. Therefore, under many circumstances we should give our thanks to adversities, for they help us learn and improve ourselves; we should give our thanks to our opponents, for they help us review our shortcomings, we should give our thanks to our failures, for they help us make progress; we should give even more thanks to our enemies, for they help reveal our weaknesses…Do you think so? All of a sudden, I think of the ancient words from Mencius that I have memorized from my childhood “Those who will be entrusted with great tasks should first endure hardship both in body and mind, suffering hunger and destitution or failure in their undertakings. Only then will they be able to forge their character, develop patience and endurance and attain outstanding abilities, beyond the ken of the multitude.” Honey, do you understand what I mean by this?


Sweetheart, the day before yesterday we watched the video “Under the Hawthorn Tree”…Actually I have long since told you about my ex-husband. He is my first love. He and I got married in 1997 and got divorced in 2005. I talked about him a little bit in our phone talk before, but I have never mentioned his overcoming lymphoma, which is why I identified or sympathized with the actress when watching the movie…Please forgive me for a few more words…


My ex-husband Mr. X and I were classmates in middle school. I used to rank among the top 3 in GPA in my class while he was always the last few in our class. Good at academic work and well-mannered, I was one of the girls people liked at that age. Mr. X was outstanding in appearance, as is well-known to girls, but I really did not notice him at the time. After the nationwide college examination, I entered Xi’an Medical University for undergraduate study while he was admitted into an associate program in a university in Xi’an. During the summer holiday of our second years’ college, two boys in our middle school class found various excuses to come to my home and initiated a middle school classmates’ reunion. I remembered that it rained so heavily that day that the boy who ran the party suggested that we moved our bikes into his home on the fifth floor. When we went downstairs, Mr. X grabbed my bike from my hand and helped me to take it all the way to the fifth floor. I followed him silently and felt moved at the sight that he never said anything about my bike making his hands dirty. Since then, I had a good impression of him. Later when the boys knew our love started from this moment, they joked that they should have grabbed my bike if they had knew I could have been moved so easily, hehe~


When school started in our third year’s college, Mr. X often went to my school to pay me a visit. At the very beginning, I tried avoiding him but got used to his company over time: During the next few years’ study, no matter whether it rained or stormed, Mr. X spent three hours in riding his bike roundtrip in order to see me every day. We studied together until 11 pm each day in the classroom, took boiled water to my dorm together, and he rode back to his place after he made sure everything was fine with me…At that time I was very active in school-run events on campus, hosted a few large-scale May Fourth Gala, gave some performances, and also got some award for prose competitions. I was told to be the spotlight at our university then, but Mr. X’s silent dedication and sacrifice finally moved me. My first love started this way. My family, however, did not think he would be a husband who had the ability to take care of me. My family, on the one hand, prevented me from further contact with him and on the other hand, introduced someone to be my boyfriend. I remember that one winter day Mr. X waited for me in snow for three hours and became a snowman when I reached there…Sometimes the more the family got involved to prevent our love, the more we loved firmly with a belief that our love is pure and would last until the sea dries up and the rocks decay…


Like this, Mr. X and I graduated from university. I entered a key university in Xi’an to serve as a full-time university foreign language teacher, while Mr. X went to work in a factory. One year after I worked in the university, I got some excellent teaching achievement award. I was selected as the only teacher to conduct an open class with all the teachers in my department required to attend. I could feel the pressure Mr. X had due to our enlarged distance. Without any permission from my family, Mr. X and I went to register for marriage by ourselves, for which my mom became sick and was hospitalized in Xijing Hospital for one month.


Mr. X and I were just in our early 20s when we got married. We were brought up in traditional families and knew little about birth control from anywhere except from publicly published movies. We were misconceived into a belief that it took at least one or two years to have a baby. One month after we registered for marriage, I got pregnant. We were astounded at the news. The thought that I had just worked for one year and became pregnant one month after the marriage made me feel embarrassed in front of my colleagues. Moreover, Mr. X and I planned to go to some graduate program study later. So we decided not to have the baby. We were so naïve and childish at that time that we went to the university hospital for abortion. The doctor told us that I needed to take the abortion medicine for three days and that on the third day I needed to stay at the hospital for observation. At these words, I told the doctor in a serious way that I was to give a listening class on the third day, could not go to hospital for observation with a class of students waiting, and there should not be any problem since I usually sat in front during the listening class. The doctor, a nice lady in her 50s, told me in a strict tone “No joking…Hurry to ask for a leave from your department. No work at all on the third day…” When recalling, I could see how stupid and ignorant I was when I was young.


In the next 6 or 7 years, in order to make my ex-husband live up to my family’s expectation as a responsible and proactive person, I encouraged him and supported him for his three years’ bachelor program study and three years’ master degree study in computer science. Under my request, he quitted his job and burned his boats in order to focus on study. But my ex-husband was not mature for his age. At the age of 25 or 26, he was still lacking in a sense of responsibility and enjoyed playing around. He failed in the year of 2000’s nationwide graduate school entrance examination, while I was admitted with my grades ranked top one in all five subjects’ exams among all the candidates into my fist master’s program study. During the next two years’ time when I studied for the Master’s degree, I taught a lot of college English classes on and off campus in order to support our small family. In the year of 2001’s graduate entrance examination preparation, my ex-husband worked hard, got a good grade, but was removed at the beginning from the candidate’s list for his poor performance during the interview. Various efforts were made to rescue his poor performance in the interview. In the end, he was admitted into the master program study. During the period of his graduate program study, I became his mom in a sense and watched over his study all the time…The sight of his insufficient effort and lack of competitive sense made me feel frustrated. It is from that time that our relationship became worse and worse. Whenever he took any course, I had to get to know the course teacher so as to make sure of his progress or no problem with his academic performance. As a foreign language teacher, I often felt helpless in front of my own husband: Every day before I went to give intensive reading classes, the most important thing for me was to wake him up and persuade him to read books with words like “Honey, let’s get up and start to read books, ok?” Whenever I hugged him and pushed him to sit up, he lied down, and then I had to do it again…When the time for my classes approached, I had to tell him that I needed to leave and that it would be better with no more sleep for him, for I would come back to check at 10 am after my lecture. He would say “ok, you can leave now”…In many cases I would find him asleep at home after my classes…It turned out that he sat CET-Band 6 six times over three years’ time before he could ever pass it and almost failed one compulsory course. According to the school regulation, no one can graduate when he fails two courses. My ex-husband thought that I was the teacher in that university and did not take the school regulation seriously. It seemed that more pressure came over me than over him when he was in his graduate program study. After my ex-husband failed a class, I even paid a visit to the teacher’s home. I promised to tutor the teacher’s son and in return the teacher agreed to help with my ex-husband’s course learning…As for my own study, I have always put everything in order and prepared everything in advance, so I have never let anyone else worry about my own study from my childhood. But during my ex-husband’s graduate study, I had no way but to turn to different teachers for more help with his study. Under my persistent effort, my ex-husband finally got a certificate for excellent performance in Shaanxi Province Graduate English Examination, passed CET-Band 6, and received an award for excellent graduate student. During his graduate program study, however, our relationship took a turn for the worse all the way. At one time we even talked about divorce. But when I saw his sad look, I thought of our love and his reliance on me, so I changed my attitude by saying “we do not need to get divorced if you promise me to be a responsible person and work hard…” He jumped with joy at my words, and spun me around, saying “Great, let’s go for eating Kentucky chicken”…Each time I thought of this scene, I could not help shedding tears. From that time, I focused on my own paper and preparation for going abroad for further study.


In the end, my ex-husband graduated from his mastery program in computer science, we divorced, he went to work in Beijing, and I went to Canada for further study. Two months after I went to Canada, my ex-husband told me by phone that some shadow was found in his lung area during his company’s annual physical examination. I booked an air ticket at a high price the second day and went back to Beijing immediately. The final result of his CT had not yet come out when I went back. I asked my ex-husband to go to his workplace and I went to Haidian Hospital by myself to pick up the result. When the doctor told me that my ex-husband was diagnosed as the fourth stage of lymphoma, I cried my eyes out, sitting alone in the hallway of the hospital and feeling helpless. Since I always get a crimson face whenever in tears, I felt like everyone looked at me at that moment. I called my ex-husband’s mother and informed her of the situation. She asked me to hide the truth from him. Around 10 pm on that day, my ex-husband’s sister, brother-in-law, and parents rushed to Beijing from Xi’an. During the next two weeks, his sister and I took him to go through all kinds of medical examinations. My brother helped to find the most authoritative lymphoma expert in Beijing. After everything was arranged, my ex-husband was admitted into the best cancer hospital in Beijing and started his 5 phases of chemotherapy. When my ex-husband’s situation got stable, I went back to Canada and started a life of daily 4 or 5 international calls to him and his doctors. His mother told me that he got excited at each of my calls. Whenever others told him to eat more food, he had a strong response by vomiting, but whenever I told him “be a good boy, and eat more food for my sake”, he would be very obedient and cooperative…Each time I think of these, I will feel sad and shed tears. The result from chemotherapy was good. Under the doctor’s suggestion, my ex-husband entered the phase of hematopoietic stem cell transplantation. During the whole month he was separated from the outside during the transplantation, I was the only person who was allowed to talk to him by phone each day, because of his lack of immunity. Each day I encouraged him by the scene of our getting remarried once he gets recovered…The other one who was receiving the treatment together with my ex-husband passed away before he could step out of the separated space, but my ex-husband recovered day by day and finally started to go back to work in July 2006. Since then, I always dodged and ducked whenever he mentioned the topic of remarriage. The last time that my ex-husband mentioned remarriage is June 2010. At the beginning I agreed, but on second thought I still felt there was a conflict in our world view, values, and life expectations, so again I refused his request. In October 2010, my ex-husband informed me that he would get married soon. I gave him my blessings. During the new year of 2011, I called him to say happy New Year, but he replied that he and I could never talk to each other any longer because he has a wife now…I wept out of sadness. His mother told me over phone “you are my daughter…His wife cares about him very much and looks over him tightly, because she feels his serious love for you…”


I thought of our middle school classmates’ experience, his helping me to move my bike upstairs, his three hours’ bike riding in order to study with me together, his three hours’ waiting in snow, our brave move to register for marriage and ignorant pregnancy and abortion, his quitting job in order to study for higher degree under my request, and our daily phone talk during his hospitalization…Everything is still so close in sight, but how is it possible that we could not even place a call to each other?


Brother Y, maybe you could not understand it. The song from Under the Hawthorn Tree (the video we saw together) made me think of the past and feel sad…Brother Y, let’s make a promise that we will not speak any bad words against our ex-lifepartner, appreciate those who kept us company in some phase of our life, and hold this gratitude forever.


Chen Chusheng: Under the Hawthorn Tree

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6iWhNqQUA3w


Yours,

Li




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